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Half Drunk Challenge

I am writing this first paragraph BEFORE the half-drunk part to explain the idea behind this. Momalom.com is hosting this blog carnival and encouraging their readers t0 drink and write. Don’t censor, don’t hold back. Let our hair down and let it roll. So, for those of you that know me in “real life”, don’t be startled if this is not what you expect or if it is a bit embarrassing (for me or for you). Please don’t hold it against me, that is for sure. It is an experiment in personal growth… like a blogger’s Spring Break party maybe? I hope it is fun and interesting, maybe a little naughty. I DEFINITELY hope it isn’t boring… what would that say about me?? So, I will close this part, go tip a few back and be back later to bare my soul…

Turn off Mommy before you turn me on!

– oh and family may want to turn the other way!!

I KNOW I am not the only one out there who thinks about this… switching gears, or trying to at least… no, not the car (I manage a stick shift like a pro.. wink wink)… no, I mean when the munchkin turns in, “Mommy” doesn’t just turn off. You know what I mean… right? I wish I could write on here that I am a total rock star in the bedroom (well I can be, but I mean one that is always ready and willing). I wish I could say my desire burns constantly! Ah, but reality isn’t so friendly is it? They say that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved. I need more than love, I need to find one of my other personalities. I have to forget the mommy, wife, head of the house and find the old “naughty schoolgirl” in there somewhere. I will say that nothing silences “Mommy” faster than a few drinks…

This has gotten a little better with some time (when I don’t have mono and he doesn’t have deadlines), but I assure you that A would pounce like a puppy if I told him we were going to improve things NOW. At least now I can be touched without cringing because I have had a baby attached to me ALL DAMN DAY and would like some fucking personal space for 5 fucking minutes!! Oh, do I sound bitter? Thank god A was an understanding and sympathetic chap when M was a baby or we never would have made it. I know he thinks sex and the bedroom are the last things on my mind, but in all honest truth I think about it constantly. But for me it is often thinking “I wish I wanted it more” instead of “I want it now”. I don’t know how to fix that still. I guess there is the old saying “Just Do It” but where is the fun in that? I love my husband and I think he is a total hottie! I want to want him ALL THE TIME! If I could just get over the bills, the kid, the house, the work, the dog, the this the that…. blah blah blah. I am a mental person… wait… I mean I am a thinker (well probably both). So, things are constantly going on in my head and it is hard to shut them off. But, as I mentioned, the hardest is M. So, our best nights for frisky love is getting M out of the house and us on a date. (You do see the issue here being that we are Attached Parents?) I will give myself a pat on the back though. When I do get “Mommy” turned off, I can really get him turned on. I have been known to send racy texts and pictures, not afraid to hook up in the car, and might have shown up in his office wearing a little Mrs. Claus number. So, I’m not a slacker! I guess, just like he would say if you asked him, I just wish it were easier and more.

So, how do you keep the love alive? And be honest, is this a battle you fight? Just about everyone I know has admitted to at least a temporary slack and I wonder what the real truth would be if they were blogging drunk. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Are you worried that this could be the ONE thing that is/could cause problems in your marriage? I feel lucky that I trust my husband 100% but there is always that little part in the back of my mind that worries he will get fed up. It is that part that causes me to have horrible dreams of him finding someone else sometimes.

So, here’s to the couple-drink-needing-Goddess locked inside Mommy each day and to the ever more regular release of her into the wild. Oh, and to cringing as I realize who will actually be reading this…

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  1. December 8, 2009 at 7:33 AM

    I think we might be related! I promise it gets better as the kids get older. I got the mommy turned off and things were AWESOME again for several years. And then we started over. This time it’s not quite as discouraging because I know things will end up even better than before. And like you, I have an amazingly understanding husband. I did once promise that I would never say no, and I rarely do. So, if we need to just do it, we do. I usually get more out of it than I expected, but even if I don’t, I’m happy being there for him. And every now and then, we manage a gourmet meal after a long run of light snacks. (And no I’m not half drunk!) In the meantime, I relish being married to my total hottie, and can’t wait until the kids are all in their own beds so I can make up for lost time! And yes, I do understand your fears, especially because he travels so much. But I just have to believe in all that is good about my husband and stay focused on that.

  2. December 8, 2009 at 12:44 PM

    Abso-freakin-lutely!!!!!!! You just summed up exactly what I’ve been going through for the last 8 years! (We’ve got 3 children all spaced about 2 years apart, our oldest is 8 ) Oh there have been times (a few months here and there) where my drive comes back, but for the most part I need A LOT of encouragement, liquid or otherwise!
    Sex is extremely MENTAL for me. I carry the weight of our little world on my shoulders, being in charge of our budget, menu planning, kids school work, cub scouts, etc etc. It takes time to let that all go. Last night is a good example, the kids heads had barely touched their pillows and I was getting propositioned, in of course a very adorable, sexy, way. Many other times this would work like a charm, but last night was a particularly stressful cub scout den meeting that I had to lead, because I had only been home for about 30 minutes my mind was still reeling from the craziness! So needless to say I was annoyed rather than turned on! LOL Fortunately he understood and gave my a neck rub instead.
    I am also very very blessed with a husband who works very hard to be understanding and patient with me. It is really the ONLY issue in our otherwise fantastic marriage, and it really is only an issue when we’ve both been under stress. But after many long discussions we have managed work through it each time it becomes an issue.
    I think there are thousands of moms out there feeling exactly the same way! Thank you for being brave enough to talk about it!

  3. MJ
    December 8, 2009 at 12:54 PM

    Have SO been having this problem lately… Monkey is almost 8 months old and I breastfeed exclusively, so I think that has a LOT to do with my problem, on top of her 3 older siblings, bills, lack of money, etc.

    I’ve also discovered the only way I can really enjoy sex is if we are sitting up in a chair or on the couch!!!

    Lately Ive had no sex drive but last night it just seemed to kick in and hubby had me on the dining room table (shh.. don’t tell everyone that’s coming for Christmas Eve about that!)… It seems the only time it does kick in is when I’ve had some cheap rum… but to have enough of that to get a boost in the sex drive leaves me hungover the next morning…

    Ughh…

  4. Liz
    December 8, 2009 at 1:05 PM

    Damn, this is awesome. Damn, this is ME. I have not yet posted my drunken challenge post (tomorrow is my self-assigned night), but I will have to be very careful not to totally copy you. I can so relate to this. This is so honest and so true. I, too, can be quite the freak…in cars, in public, Claus outfits, the works. And I, too, think my hubby is frickin’ hot. But I just don’t want it as often as I wish I did. Now, on babysitting nights??? Thank God for those…we actually plan everything around the sex! And I, too, secretly fear that he will get fed up….that there will be another woman out there who doesn’t have children, who doesn’t have to shut off her mind, who doesn’t have to schedule babysitting. Loved this. If nothing else, the drunken challenge has brought me to your site! =)

    • December 8, 2009 at 9:35 PM

      Thanks for sharing! And you hit the nail on the head! It isn’t the fear of them not loving us anymore, it is the fear of them finding someone without all the obligations we take on. The whole “grass is greener on the other side”. I know my husband and he is a serious thinker so I am certain he wouldn’t go there because he would realize that one day any woman who becomes a wife will have responsibilities and stress. But it is scary and hard to think about, even if the deep recesses of your mind. My thoughts usually come out in a bad dream, as I mentioned, every few months. I feel like it is my reminder to make passion a priority. But it sucks to think or dream about it!

      Can’t wait to read your post!

  5. Alyssa
    December 8, 2009 at 1:24 PM

    Oddly enough, it is backwards around here. MOMMY is the one who wants it ALL THE TIME, where Daddy just isn’t all that interested. He isn’t able to shut everything off (school, work, kids, surgeries (our youngest has a cleft lip and palate), money, etc) I think about these things often, but I can easily shut it off ๐Ÿ™‚

    • December 8, 2009 at 9:31 PM

      It seems really split on here, some women can turn to sex to relax and some need to relax before they can even think of sex. Very interesting!!

  6. December 8, 2009 at 2:47 PM

    Yes, yes, yes. Ditto, ditto, ditto. I’m so glad you wrote this – one of those blog posts that sums up an idea that I know to be absolutely true, but didn’t understand at the level of expression yet. Thank you for this post.

  7. December 8, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    Yes. Yes. Yes.
    My husband are both in agreement that life shows up in waves. Sex drive, like much else, shows up in waves. We have on months and off months. And it’s just the way it is. For a long, long time I thought and wrote about this topic the same way you have here. I’m not sure what has changed, but something has. I’m still tired. I still turn away from him in bed. I still feign interest some nights. But overall, I would say that I came to realize that my mind was really getting in the way of BOTH of us having a good time. And that’s no good. So I put my mind aside.

    Oh. And a couple of drinks doesn’t hurt.

    Great Post!

    • December 8, 2009 at 9:24 PM

      Your comment reminds me of a Sex and the City episode where Samantha has cancer and has lost her sex drive. Her boyfriend is understanding and refers to it all as “seasons”. He says something about being able to weather the winter and look forward to spring. Oh and of course, in all the Hollywood schmootsy wootsy he sends her a plant that blooms just when her libido does. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Anyways, it is a great analogy though, as is the waves. There are definite ups and downs in every area of life. I look forward to learning how to “put my mind aside”!!

  8. Nicki
    December 8, 2009 at 4:42 PM

    Great post! I remember these times. Now, believe it or not, I have actually been turned down recently. Of course, my baby is 15.

  9. December 8, 2009 at 8:04 PM

    Believe it or not, this has never been a particular problem of mine. And it’s even less so at this point. I’m a woman in my mid-30s, and I’m finding some truth to what they say about women in their mid-30s. I think it’s the last hurrah before I start the decline into menopause. So, yay?

    This isn’t to say that the frequency is where I would like it to be. It’s not. I have two kids, responsibilities, and not enough hours in the day. But turning off Mommy has, for whatever reason, come easily to me. I definitely believe that I am in the minority on this one, though.

    • December 8, 2009 at 9:21 PM

      That is awesome! I think it is great that some women don’t face this. I think it might have to do with how they compartmentalize. I am not good at it at all. (how I knew I wouldn’t be a good therapist) When I am bothered by one thing it carries over everywhere. Do you think you are good at compartmentalizing? Think there is a correlation?

  10. Toni
    December 8, 2009 at 8:55 PM

    Over here things are completely different! I’m the one wanting it more than my poor DH. He’s always tired from work/ school and lately I’m always in the mood. Lol. My sex drive is worse than ever right now, it’s actually kind of annoying! But when I get stressed I want to relax with a little “one on one” time, where DH is the opposite, stress makes him into the “thinker”.

    • December 8, 2009 at 9:29 PM

      My DH does get so busy that he barely has time to notice sometimes (although, if I offered I don’t think he would ever turn it down… at least for a while til he knew it was always there). I have a friend who turns to sex to decompress and I have never quite been able to get my head around it, just as she hasn’t got me figured out. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. December 8, 2009 at 11:49 PM

    I have the completely opposite problem. I want it all the time. Right now, it is impossible (I just had a baby and the whole wait six weeks thing) (not that we have) (did I just admit that?) (Oh, and it hurt! So..wait 6 more weeks?).

    I understand the responsibility overload. Unlike many people, I like short sessions. (Have you tried that?) This allows both of us to have fun, feel pleasure, and not worry about _____.

  12. pinklilybit
    December 8, 2009 at 11:56 PM

    Oh man I am SO with you right now. I have to hear “MOMMY” one more time, right as I’m TRYING to get in the mood…totally unsexy, not to mention the ever so hot pickup line, “She’s in bed, I’ve got to get up early, can we do it real quick?” An active fantasy life can help, and hinder, becuase unfortunately for dear husbands alike, they never QUITE live up to that fantasy we create. Good luck, and if you find the secret, let me know!

  13. czriley
    December 9, 2009 at 8:30 PM

    Amen, sister, A-freaking-men! Though for me it’s a little different, in that my drive has ALWAYS been hard to rev up. Well, maybe not back in college when we first discovered sex, but the last decade or 2 it’s been tough. DH is wonderful and understanding, and sometimes persistent. I both completely trust him and worry that he’ll get frustrated. But he’s put up with me for 29 years now (24 of those married) so I think he’s in it for the long haul. And add to the list of things that makes it hard to get going my worry that the kids (14,11, 10) might hear us while we’re in the middle of it. Got to send them to Grandma’s more often or something! Thanks for sharing this!

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